apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
