He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
