it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
vagina is talking i cant
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
