I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
