Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Floor bacon is actually really good
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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