Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i out mim tonsoeep
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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