I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
