Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
