Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
