I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
