If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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