My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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