so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
