I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
