giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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