Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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