you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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