thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
