We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
