I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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