The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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