The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
