When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
