All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
