I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
