maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
