I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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