am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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