I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
