Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
