I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
