planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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