it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
