I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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