So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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