It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
