i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You pole danced in your parka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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