Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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