After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
