someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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