my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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