mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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