So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
