just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
