her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
