You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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