Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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