that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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