Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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