i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
