I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
