I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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