Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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