come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
