well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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