I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
