WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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