stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize