covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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