I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
