dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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