Got a toothbrush?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
