Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
