is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
