I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
